Jacquie Brasher
More celebrity ‘Top Tens’

Occasionally, my brain takes a spin with Top Ten lists and I start to compile things. Either I’m starting to think backwards from 10 to 1 or I’m hoping David Letterman will notice me someday and hire me to write on his show. Fat chance of the latter happening, which means my noggin is doing the countdown.

Since celebrity news was particularly juicy this year, here are my predictions for 2007:

Top Ten Celebrity Happenings of 2007

10. Britney Spears has two more babies with Kevin Federline before realizing she’s a total idiot.

9. Britney Spears gets Paris Hilton to babysit her four children. Paris loses kids in the park. Kids are found three days later at the home of Madonna, who then proceeds to adopt the children, Britney and Paris. They all get on a bus and begin a musical tour called “Children Are The Future.”

8. Mel Gibson, on his “Not An Anti-Semite” tour, stops in New York to pick up Michael “Kramer” Richards. The tour is expanded and renamed to “We Swear We Are Not Bigots--Cross our Hearts and Hope to Die!”

7. George Clooney decides to run for President of the United States. However, he comes to his senses later when he is hit in the head by a baseball at Yankee Stadium and decides instead to become a vegetarian. In an interview, he says, “I’d rather eat broccoli than be the leader of the free world.”

6. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, although never once acknowledging their romantic relationship, break up twice more.

5. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock reunite and throw wedding parties all over the world. However, while temporarily separated by international time zones, Anderson divorces Rock again.

4. Anna Nicole Smith is found wandering the Mojave Desert, dressed in white. Doctors find 14 different prescription medications in her blood and 21 other drugs not recognized by the FDA. After having her stomach pumped, she finally realizes she has been on Earth the whole time and not on Mars.

3. Oprah Winfrey declares she is the wisest person in the world and has all the answers. She writes a bestseller called, Let ME Tell You How To Live Your Best Life Because I Know Everything!

2. Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie adopt more children from Africa and Asia. After acquiring seven children, they decide to recreate the Von Trapp family in “The Sound of Music” and debut the musical on Broadway with the whole family acting and singing.

And the number one celebrity happening for 2007:

1. Tom Cruise decides to become a polygamist so he can procreate more Scientologists. He marries Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Richie and gets them all pregnant at the same time.--Jacquie Brasher is senior staff writer for The Forest-Blade and can be reached at jacquie@forest-blade.com

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